Tears were a big part of this Christmas. Last night, in the midst of my own, I realized that over the past few years, tears have been a common theme in our family during the days of Christmas. I welcome them and wish for them to be erased all at the same time.
I am finally accepting now that Christmas is complex in this house. We have a lot of people, a lot of personalities, a lot of dynamics and a lot of grief. Ours Christmas’ are not what many of us expected or hoped for. AND IT’S OK!
I am leaning into all the hard and finding the joy in the small wins.
Like sitting up until midnight (WAY past my bedtime) snuggled up on the couch with my teenager talking and laughing and making plans.
Like the fact that two people in this house still believe in Santa and the fun and magic that brings. (Although I think the 11 year old is catching on 🙁 And to be quite honest it is getting much harder for the rest of us not to slip.)
Like playing games and watching my children build stronger bonds with each other.
Like the reaction when the long desired gift was discovered.
Like the beautiful, cold and invigorating walk Dan and I took today while reminiscing about old memories and childhood Christmas’.
Like the funny selfies that show up on my phone.
Like the teenager advocating for herself to help with the pain she is experiencing.
Like the space to feel and process our emotions and the safety and trust that is building among us.
Yes, sometimes I wish that things would just go “smoothly” and everyone would be “jolly, fa la la la la”, but that’s not how we roll, it’s not our reality. AND THAT’S OK!
We are doing our best to show up. We are showing up as our real selves. And that is ‘Tis the Season around here.
Tell me about your wins and hard this Christmas.