Hi Friends,
Recently God has been speaking to me about sharing in a more transparent casual way with you all at Holes to Whole. He is urging me to write and publish things more often, spending less time on the finished product while immersing myself into sharing authentically and connecting with the hearts of readers. Basically enjoying and honoring the writing process rather than focusing heavily on the end result. When I read pieces like that by other authors, a fire and hunger inside me come alive creating a deep connection with God, myself and the author.
This is something that God has been showing me very clearly over the past several weeks. Now He is challenging me to practice it here with all of you. Of course it won’t be perfect and I know it’s not for everyone, nor am I saying that what is right for me is right for others. I promise you that I will not pretend to know what someone else needs to do. I barely know what is working for me these days, so believe me when I say, that what I share is my own experience, strength and hope. Nothing more. Nothing less. My pray is that it speaks to someone.
The other thing that I have realized is just how much I need all of YOU! Writing is spiritual, growing and healing for me. Writing allows me to process my experiences and keeps my honest. Writing is necessary for me to be healthy and for goodness sake, I totally need to hear and read everything that I write. So as much as I write for you all, my dear Holes to Whole Community, I also write for myself because I desperately need it.
The Actor and his Script
I don’t have any experience acting. Come to think about it, I don’t think I ever even had a speaking part in any of my elementary school’s class plays. Oh well, I can accept that as most of the arts really aren’t my thing. But if you count being part of the chorus where my monotone voice could be drowned out, then yes, I was very much involved in the productions. 🙂
Anyways, I constantly felt annoyed at the actors during rehearsals for not knowing their lines. Seriously, how hard could it be to memorize the lines and repeat them back when you were supposed to. Simple, cut and dry, right? Easy for me to say, a perfectionists who remembers things with ease and hasn’t ever had a speaking part in a production. It’s so interesting to me how I can be so critical of people for things that I have absolutely no experience with, I have no clue what they are going through.
Alas, that is my very issue. My human selfishness wants things my way and my pride and ego assure me that my way is the best way. My head takes a stroll (usually more like a sprint) down planning lane and within a short time, I believe that I have the best plan anyone could ever imagine and if things follow my script, everything would be fantastic.
But the problem with scripts is that they are generally written by one or a few people and then those people need to corral all the others into learning their parts and sticking to their roles. The script writers become the enforcers, which is exhausting and typically not a very popular position among their actors. The writers often get frustrated because the actors are slacking off and the actors get rebellious because of the control and domination they feel by the writers. It’s the perfect recipe for a storm and many empty seats in the theater.
The Pharmacist and his Script
I have always wondered what the big deal is with pharmacists and asking questions when you pick up your medication. When my doctor prescribes a med to me, she explains all about it in the office. I go to the pharmacy to pick it up and there are very specific and clear direction written in big bold letters on the medicine box or bottle. Then of course there are the handy dandy pamphlets inside the bag with much more information on the medicine that you cared to know. And still in the midst of all this I am asked if I have any questions and even made to sign off stating that I declined counseling by the pharmacist. The whole process is redundant and a bit exhausting to me!
Now please hear me, I know why all of these practices are in place and I believe they have value. Both of my parents have worked in the medical field for a long time, so I get it. My point is that the directions on prescriptions are typically very detailed, specific and to the point. It is hard to screw them up! That’s why they are so effective because there is no room for interpretation, the directions are cut and dry and you know exactly what to do.
Me and my Scripts
I am a script kind of girl. By nature, I am a rule follower and I like math because there is one correct answer. I like to read books on parenting, marriage, health, faith and recovery and follow the suggests made by the authors. I love the security of knowing that if I take my medication according to the directions, it will have the desired effect. I naturally view script writers as authorities and experts. I enjoy the safety and structure that scripts bring to my life. Everything feels like it’s laid out for me and all I have to do is follow it. I can operate on auto-pilot to some extent, which feels extremely nice as my brain doesn’t get many breaks and jumps at the chance for them. Everything is laid out for me and I just follow the path, easy!
Wrong! Scripts work in theater productions and in treating ailments because they are pretty controlled situations. Life is not! Life is fluid and changing all the time. Life is meant to be lived moment to moment, not from a predefined script that tells us what will happen and what to say and do when it does. That makes us robots or puppets instead of people. That makes us completely self-reliant with no need for faith in anyone or anything other than ourselves and our abilities. That makes life nothing more than going through the motions. That kind of life actually robs us from truly living. We will be robbed of the gifts of thought and choice that God has blessed us with. We will be shadows of who we were created to be.
Over the past few years God has felt that it is time for me to become aware of the many scripts that have run my life. The realizations have been so humbling as I continue to see the thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, lies, people, situations, motives and fears that have ruled my life for quite some time, often without me even knowing it. I was told a long time ago that Denial is not just a river in Egypt 🙂 OK, comic relief is over.
You see, it worked for me to live my life by predefined scripts until they didn’t work anymore. They served very real functions in my life and I needed them, or so I thought, to survive and thrive. What I didn’t know was that by living my life by the strings of the puppet master, I was simply a shell of who I really was. I was shackled to others and myself in a very small life, there was no thriving or freedom in this production.
The problem is that my scripts became ingrained in me and despite learning of the pain and dysfunction they have caused in my life, it is hard work to discard and replace them. They certainly don’t go down without a fight. Why? Because they were my truth for so long. It’s not easy to walk away from things that has kept you company for decades. Even though they were destructive friends, they got an “A” in the loyalty department. If I let the scripts go, how would I live, how would I know what to do? How would I make decisions if I didn’t have the lines already written in my head telling me what to do? And finally the biggest and scariest question of all, who would I become?
Even though I didn’t like who I was, I still knew how to play that part. It was familiar and I knew what I was going to get from it. I often didn’t like it, but it was predictable and there was safety in that. Now God was asking me to give that up blindly? It felt like a tall, risky order. It still does sometimes.
So what happened? When did the surrender come?
“When the pain of staying where I was became greater than the fear of what the future would hold.”
You see, my scripts are all about control, controlling myself, controlling others, controlling situations. Why control? Because I am scared. Life scares me silly and control was an early tool that I learned to make this life a little less frightening. I was born ultra-sensitive and it seems that life hits me harder than the average Joe. Of course I didn’t know this when I was younger, I just knew that I often felt out of place and things that other people took in stride seemed to hit me like a ton of bricks. I used to think I was “too much”, now I know I am extra blessed. Extra blessed to feel and connect and live in this crazy wonderful excruciating world. Extra blessed to notice things that other people don’t. Extra blessed to deeply experience God, others and myself with great intimacy.
As I sit here, I mentally go through the scripts that I memorized and acted out over the years. The quiet daughter who got good grades and didn’t make too many waves. The friend who blindly followed the crowd without objection or opinion. The adapting and accepting wife who played it like everything was OK when it wasn’t. As the shows ran longer, the scripts got louder and became more a part of me until eventually their words were all I heard. I turned my back on myself. I abandoned the little girl who God created and grew into someone unrecognizable.
In the song “Let it Happen” by United Pursuit, Andrea Marie sings these beautiful words,
“Full of life now
Full of passion
That’s how He made you
Just let it happen
He calls each one of us by our names to come away
And He whispers to your heart to
Let it go
And be alive.
Take me back
Back to the beginning
When I was young
Running through the field with You.”
Today that is my battle cry. Please join me ladies. Join me in coming out of denial and challenging the scripts that we live by. Join me by gathering your courage and dismantling the garbage in our heads, hearts and lives. Join me in traveling back to our true selves, the little girls we were before we got lost. Join me by lifting up ourselves and other women in solidarity, journeying together arm in arm through this crazy wonderful excruciating life.
75 Comments
atarax coupon
propecia no prescription
zovirax generika billig
Apoiar ferramentas de apostas e estar equipado com uma plataforma diversificada de transações financeiras, a 20Bet oferece suporte tangível aos jogadores. Este é um lugar onde eles podem apostar com dinheiro real, respaldados por concorrentes de diversas disciplinas esportivas. 20bet
elavil 50mg nz
atarax 25mg billig
Thanks , I’ve recently been looking for info approximately this topic for
a while and yours is the best I have discovered till now.
But, what concerning the bottom line? Are you positive concerning the
source?
macrobid generic
where to buy macrobid
zithromax 250mg without a prescription
What’s up to every body, it’s my first go to see of this web site; this web site
carries remarkable and truly good stuff for visitors.
It’s truly very difficult in this busy life to listen news
on Television, so I just use the web for that purpose, and get the most
recent news.
Быстровозводимые здания – это прогрессивные системы, которые различаются громадной быстротой строительства и мобильностью. Они представляют собой здания, заключающиеся из эскизно произведенных компонентов либо блоков, которые способны быть скоро смонтированы в пункте развития.
Строительство быстровозводимых зданий обладают податливостью а также адаптируемостью, что позволяет просто преобразовывать и модифицировать их в соответствии с запросами покупателя. Это экономически успешное и экологически стойкое решение, которое в крайние лета заполучило широкое распространение.
Amazing issues here. I am very happy to see your article. Thank you so much and I am looking ahead
to contact you. Will you please drop me a e-mail?
Thanks for finally talking about > Save the Scripts for Broadway and the Pharmacy • HOLES TO
WHOLE < Liked it!
Thank you for any other great post. The place else coulld
anyoone get that kind of info in such an ideal means oof writing?
I’ve a presesntation subseuent week, and I am on the search
for such information.
These are genuinely fantastic ideas in regarding blogging.
You have touched some nice factors here. Any way keep
up wrinting.
Great beat ! I wish to apprentice while you
amend your site, how can i subscribe for a blog site?
The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been a little
bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright
clear concept
brillx казино
brillx casino
Играя на Brillx Казино, вы можете быть уверены в честности и безопасности своих данных. Мы используем передовые технологии для защиты информации наших игроков, так что вы можете сосредоточиться исключительно на игре и наслаждаться процессом без каких-либо сомнений или опасений.Добро пожаловать в мир азарта и возможностей на официальном сайте Brillx Казино! Здесь, в 2023 году, ваш шанс на удачу преумножается с каждым вращением барабанов игровых аппаратов. Brillx — это не просто казино, это уникальное путешествие в мир азартных развлечений.
What i do not understood is if truth be told
how you are now not really a lot more well-favored than you may be now.
You are very intelligent. You recognize thus significantly in relation to this subject,
produced me for my part believe it from so many numerous angles.
Its like men and women are not interested except it is something to
accomplish with Woman gaga! Your own stuffs excellent.
All the time care for it up!
Hi, yup this piece of writing is in fact nice and I have learned lot of things from it on the topic of blogging.
thanks.
Hey There. I found your blog using msn. This is a
really well written article. I will make sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful info.
Thanks for the post. I’ll definitely return.
Thanks for your marvelous posting! I quite enjoyed reading it, you will be a great author.I will be sure to bookmark
your blog and will eventually come back sometime soon. I want to encourage
you to definitely continue your great work, have a nice weekend!
I for all time emailed this website post page to all my associates,
because if like to read it then my contacts will
too.
At this time it sounds like Movable Type is the preferred blogging platform
out there right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you are using on your blog?
Hello, I enjoy reading through your article. I like to write a
little comment to support you.
When someone writes an article he/she maintains the thought of a user in his/her brain that how
a user can understand it. So that’s why this paragraph is perfect.
Thanks!
Inspiring quest there. What occurred after?
Take care!
Hi, of course this article is truly nice and I
have learned lot of things from it on the topic of blogging.
thanks.
I got this web page from my pal who informed me on the topic of this web
site and at the moment this time I am visiting this website
and reading very informative articles at this
time.
Hey Ꭲhere. I discoᴠered your blog thhe usae of msn. Тhis is а very well wгittеn articⅼe.
I’ll be sure tto bookmɑrk it and return to read extra
off youг helpful information. Thanks for the post. I will definitely comeback.
My homеpage; Thương hiệu túi xách nữ
Hello! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new
iphone 3gs! Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all
your posts! Carry on the fantastic work!
This is really attention-grabbing, You are an overly skilled blogger.
I’ve joined your rss feed and stay up for in the hunt for extra of your wonderful post.
Additionally, I have shared your website in my social
networks
Hi there it’s me, I am also visiting this web page on a regular basis, this web
page is truly nice and the people are in fact sharing fastidious thoughts.
Hi there! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be okay.
I’m absolutely enjoying your blog and look forward
to new updates.
Wow that was unusual. I just wrote an really long comment but after
I clicked submit my comment didn’t show up. Grrrr…
well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyway,
just wanted to say superb blog!
Pretty! This has been an extremely wonderful article. Thank you for providing these details.
Pretty! This has been a really wonderful post. Thanks
for providing this info.
Hello there! This post could not be written any better! Reading this post reminds
me of my good old room mate! He always kept
chatting about this. I will forward this article to him.
Fairly certain he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!
Hello there! This post couldn’t be written any better!
Reading through this post reminds me of my good old room mate!
He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this post to him.
Fairly certain he will have a good read. Many thanks
for sharing!
Thanks for another informative website. The place else
could I am getting that type of information written in such
an ideal means? I have a challenge that I am simply now running on, and
I have been on the glance out for such info.
wonderful issues altogether, you just received a logo new reader.
What would you recommend about your post that you simply made a few days
in the past? Any positive?
For the reason that the admin of this web site is working, no question very quickly it
will be famous, due to its quality contents.
Keep this going please, great job!
Attractive section of contеnt. І just stumbled ᥙpon yopur blog and in accession cazpital
tⲟ assert that I acquire ɑctually enjoyed account
youг blog posts. Аnyway I wiⅼl bе subscribing tօ үoսr augment and
еvеn I achievement yоu access consistently quіckly.
Ꮋere iѕ my website :: bandarxl
I was recommended this website by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him as no one else know such detailed about my trouble.
You are wonderful! Thanks!
I have been surfing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
It is pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all website owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the web
will be a lot more useful than ever before.
Официальное зеркало сайта Адмирал X – это отличная возможность и
выгодная бонусная система.
Здесь можно играть официально на деньги,
интерес и получать удовольствие в режиме онлайн.
Thanks for finally talking about > Save the Scripts
for Broadway and the Pharmacy • HOLES TO WHOLE < Liked it!
Do you have a spam problem on this blog; I also am a blogger, and I was curious about your
situation; many of us have developed some nice procedures and we are
looking to trade methods with others, why not shoot me an email if interested.
It is perfect time to make some plans for the future and it’s time to be happy.
I’ve read this post and if I could I want to suggest
you few interesting things or suggestions. Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article.
I wish to read more things about it!
I am actually grateful to the holder of this site who has shared this wonderful piece of writing at at this time.
Also visit my web site :: how many days till nov 8 2022
Everything is very open with a clear explanation of the challenges.
It was really informative. Your site is useful.
Many thanks for sharing!
Nice blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere?
A design like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out.
Please let me know where you got your design. Many thanks
Hi! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new iphone 4!
Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to
all your posts! Keep up the superb work!
Hi there! I know this is kinda off topic but I’d figured I’d ask.
Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe
guest writing a blog post or vice-versa? My site goes over a lot of the same topics as yours
and I think we could greatly benefit from each other.
If you’re interested feel free to shoot me
an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Excellent blog by the way!
Thanks for sharing. I read many of your blog posts, cool, your blog is very good. https://accounts.binance.com/zh-TC/register-person?ref=WTOZ531Y
You have made some decent points there. I looked on the web for
additional information about the issue and found most individuals will go along with
your views on this website.
Wow! After all I got a web site from where I know how
to in fact take useful facts regarding my study and
knowledge.
Magnificent beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your
site, how could i subscribe for a blog web site?
The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear concept
Thanks for the good writeup. It in reality was a leisure account it.
Glance advanced to far added agreeable from you! However, how could we keep in touch?
⭐ GET UP TO 1000$ BONUS ON STAKE.COM ⭐
✅ Open account and deposit at least 50$
✅ Go to Settings > Offer > Input “NEWBONUS” code
✅ Enjoy HUGE bonuses from STAKE.COM
—
URL: https://bit.ly/43oZGPU
⭐ GET UP TO 1000$ BONUS ON STAKE.COM ⭐
Hello, yes this post is actually fastidious and I have learned lot
of things from it concerning blogging. thanks.
hi!,I like your writing very a lot! share we keep up a correspondence more about your post on AOL?
I require a specialist in this house to unravel my problem.
May be that’s you! Looking ahead to peer you.
Aw, this was a really nice post. Taking the time
and actual effort to produce a great article… but what can I say… I
put things off a whole lot and don’t manage to get anything done.
Nice post. I was checking constantly this blog and I am impressed!
Very helpful information particularly the last part :
) I care for such info a lot. I was looking for this particular
information for a long time. Thank you and best of luck.
Yes! Finally something about joker388.
It’s hard to find well-informed people for this topic, however, you sound like you know what you’re talking about!
Thanks
I have read your article carefully and I agree with you very much. This has provided a great help for my thesis writing, and I will seriously improve it. However, I don’t know much about a certain place. Can you help me? https://www.gate.io/de/signup/XwNAU
I am a website designer. Recently, I am designing a website template about gate.io. The boss’s requirements are very strange, which makes me very difficult. I have consulted many websites, and later I discovered your blog, which is the style I hope to need. thank you very much. Would you allow me to use your blog style as a reference? thank you!
I don’t think the title of your article matches the content lol. Just kidding, mainly because I had some doubts after reading the article. https://accounts.binance.com/uk-UA/register?ref=RQUR4BEO
At the beginning, I was still puzzled. Since I read your article, I have been very impressed. It has provided a lot of innovative ideas for my thesis related to gate.io. Thank u. But I still have some doubts, can you help me? Thanks.
Your article made me suddenly realize that I am writing a thesis on gate.io. After reading your article, I have a different way of thinking, thank you. However, I still have some doubts, can you help me? Thanks.
Thanks for sharing. I read many of your blog posts, cool, your blog is very good.