It’s Not Supposed to be Like This

“It’s not supposed to be like this.”

I stood on the porch waving goodbye to my kids with this thought running through my mind.

“It’s not supposed to be like this.”

This is nothing new. I have watched and waved countless times thinking the same thing.

“It’s not supposed to be like this.”

Fast forward a few hours and the phrase is still running through my head. So here I am. Over these past few hours, I have thought about so many things – grief, loss and just how often I think some version of:

It’s not supposed to be like this.”

The driver is in the wrong lane.

My child is in pain.

I am being disrespected.

A marriage on the brink.

My body.


This country.

Our world.

It’s not supposed to be like this.”

When I let my guard down and allow the sorrow to wash over me, I feel my eyes wet and a pit in my stomach.

It has taken me a long time to learn that even when I think that something is “supposed to” be a certain way, I’m not necessarily right. There aren’t many, if any guarantees in this life. I do know that if I keep living my life, there will be strong feelings, pain, and grief along the way.

I will continue to feel deep sadness for so many things that I want to be different. I will continue to cry, grieve and scream when I have to.

I will also keep bringing myself to the table. I will keep taking action as small as it may be to shine light, my light in this world even on my dimmer days.

Love you all!